Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Happy Hearts Day

2/19/14

Everyone is posting about Valentines day so I figure I should join the crowd. ;)

Love is the most powerful emotion in the world.  The most fulfilling, yet the most painful.  I think I got a taste of true sacrificial love today.  If you love someone, you put their needs above your own.  No matter the cost.

I bonded with a little boy the past few days.  He arrived Friday, a little three year old shy, scared and quiet baby.  We bonded instantly.  He wouldn't leave my arms.  He screamed and fought when I left him and my heart broke every time I heard him crying.
We were becoming too close.  Whenever I was busy he would sit quietly and wait until I was done and instantly grab my hand and come close as soon as I finished.  He watched me if I left his side, and instantly darted to me if he thought I was actually leaving.   I knew I had to start separating myself.  I have a little less then a week left., and to have me leave will be even more traumatic.  It will be hard on him, he is to young to understand.
The past couple of days I continually slipped away when I got him playing with the other kids and encouraged everyone else to take him from me, even when he screamed.  Oh yes my selfish little heart wanted him all to myself, but I knew that was what was best.  And then for the big transition, yesterday I left him.  All day.  I missed him, but I knew it was good for both of us.  Upon returning the following morning he would not look at me.  His eyes were downward, he would cry if I came near, and I think I officially feel like I was punched in the gut.  I love that little boy.  With his big chubby cheeks, and toothless grin. His pudgy short little legs, and the way his hand wrapped around mine.  But because I love him so much, I'm willing to step back.  He will NEVER remember this, he's not going to remember some girl he used to love on all the time, and he will never understand why I left and why I drew back.  But I will, and I know it is best.  But that does not stop the pain I feel; its hard to see his face and hear him with out having to fight back tears.  It may have only been a short 5 days, but I love that boy with all of my heart. We clicked instantly, he fit perfectly in my arms.   Real love protects.  When you truly love someone, you do everything you can to protect them.  A love that comes from God is about giving of yourself.   So he may never know how much of my heart he has, but I am so thankful I got him for 5 wonderful days.   And I am honored to be able to show him my love in this way, even though he may never know how much this girl loves her boy!
Everyday I will pray that he finds a family, a mama that loves him more than life itself. A daddy that teaches him to be a man and he knows the kind of love he so desperately wants. I hope someday he has a relationship with Christ so that I may see my boy when we're both home.  And I hope someday he knows the true definition of love; sacrifice.

"Love is patient, love is kind. 
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8






6 comments:

  1. You are so beautiful inside for giving your heart & letting it go so freely. Thank you for letting God shine in you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have a mama's heart Sarah! That kind of love is so special, but the sacrificial love shows such maturity!! Can't wait to have you back to love on you!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love is such a small word for something that grabs hold hard of one's heart, mind, soul, and actions. When loving like you have done, you have moved closer to God and His love for you. His love and power comes through in your writing.

    the Garlocks

    ReplyDelete
  4. i loved this so much ive already heard the story of your little boy but its still heart breaking and reading this from you well i can relate in a way its defiantly a different way because i dont have an orphan child adopting me like he did you t i can relate and i totally agree with everything your doing. its hard it really is but in no time when you go back and see them all he'll forget about everything you did to protect him and love him. i also cant wait for you to come home it will be nice to see you again in such a long time. :) love you and miss you dearly :) ps that verse has always been a favorite of mine because its so true and it tells how real love should be :) love you twin Sarah

    ReplyDelete